Matrescence like Adolescence
“Like adolescence, matrescence describes a developmental transition
that is hormonal, physical and emotional.”
The Myth about becoming a mother
The expectation (conscious or unconscious) often is that once a woman has her baby, all her natural mothering instincts will come out, she will be super happy, in love with her baby(ies) all the time and after a few weeks, she will be back to her normal life, career, body shape… Many new mums are confused and think there is something wrong with them because they don’t feel happy and totally in love with their newborns all the time, they don’t always know what to do and don’t find getting back to “normal” life that easy.
The truth is becoming a mother is not an event but a process. It takes time.
Matrescence is like Adolescence
As mentioned in my last blog post, Dana Rapahel was the first to name this process in the 1970s: Matrescence. Unfortunately, it wasn’t researched any further until recently. Dr. Aurelie Athan’s explanation of “Matrescence is like Adolescence” brought a wider understanding and awareness of what happens when a woman becomes a mother. We all know the hormonal, awkward period when a teenager tries to figure out their new identity as they transition into adulthood.
“Like adolescence, matrescence describes a developmental transition that is hormonal, physical and emotional.” (Dr Alexandra Sachs)
When we pass through adolescence we become an adult. We don’t get back to being a child. We are still the same person just in a different stage of life. The same applies to matrescence. The goal is not to get back to being a maiden, how some would call it, but to become a mother. You are still the same person but you are having a huge transformation into a different life stage.
“Like adolescence, it is a transitionary period. Being pregnant is like going through puberty all over again: your hormones go nuts, your hair and skin don’t behave the way you’d like, and you develop a new relationship with a body that seems to have a mind of its own.
The difference? Everyone understands that adolescence is an awkward phase. But during matrescence, people expect you to be happy while you’re losing control over the way you look and feel.” (Dr Alexandra Sachs)
That is why it is so important to talk about matrescence and to normalise the transition time to becoming a mother.
But how exactly does becoming a mother resemble puberty?
Hormonal Changes
With the birth of the placenta, your pregnancy hormones drop rapidly. Other hormones, like oxytocin, increase to help you bond and breastfeed your baby. Your hormones need a while to balance out.
Brain Changes
Brain plasticity is the brain’s ability to change and adapt. It is high in the first few years of our life, during adolescence and for women when they are having a baby. These changes are like upgrades to your brain, helping you bond with your baby and making you more alert to your baby’s cues but it can also feel confusing at times. You can read more about “Baby Brain” here.
Physical Changes
Your changing hormone levels can affect your skin, causing dry patches, acne or pigmentation in your face (if that doesn’t sound like adolescence), as well as your hair, causing extra hair from pregnancy to fall out. If you are breastfeeding your breasts change size and form. Your body is recovering and changing after pregnancy and birth. You can read more about Physical Changes after birth here.
Social Changes
A new baby changes the existing family dynamics as two became three or three become four… The relationship with your partner changes and maybe friendships, relationships at and with work and your social status.
Identity
Becoming a mum, brings a new name (Mum), a new role and responsibilities. You may ask yourself sometimes who you are as a mum but also as a woman.
“Becoming a mother is not just about raising a child. It is a rite of passage for the woman that is both an ending and beginning: she will never be who she used to be, and she doesn't fully know who she is yet.” (Amy Taylor-Kabbaz)
Matrescence means that becoming a mum doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process that changes you. Sometimes a lifelong process. Knowing and acknowledging that can free you from unrealistic expectations and can give you the space to allow yourself and other mums to grow into being a mum. Be honest and gentle with yourself and your closest family and friends. You deserve a good support network to help you along the way so you can figure out the new you and bring out the best mum in you.
Sources and further reading about matrescence:
Amy Taylor Kabbaz: What is matrescence
FAQs around matrescence
What is matrescence?
Matrescence is the process of becoming a mother. It describes the hormonal, physical and emotional changes that happen when a woman becomes a mother.
Who coined the term matrescence?
Matrescence - a word first used by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s.
How long does matrescence last?
We don’t know yet. More research in this area has to be done. Dr. Aurélie Athan says that “the exact length of matrescence is individual, recurs with each child, and may arguably last a lifetime!” (https://www.matrescence.com/)